Kidisms

My kids have said some pretty interesting things lately.  For example:

Spencer: Mommy, I'm hungry.  Can I have a snack?
Me: Sorry, kiddo.  It's almost dinner time.  You can wait until dinner is ready.
Spencer (in righteous indignation): But I'm so hungry now!
Me: Nope.  No snack.
Spencer whines and complains about this for several minutes.  He finally realizes that I'm not going to change my mind.
Spencer: Fine then!  Then I'm not going to eat dinner!
My Thoughts: I don't negotiate with terrorists.  Especially when they're making stupid demands.
What I Actually Said: Hmmm... then I guess you will be extra hungry tonight.
Spencer: That's not fair!!  *stomps off*

*****

Spencer (looking at his finger that he cut yesterday): I don't think I need a band aid.  I don't hear it bleeding anymore.
Me: Hear it bleeding?
Spencer: Yeah.  I can't hear it bleed.  So it's better.
Me: Hear?
Spencer (clearly exasperated with his dullard Mother): Yes.  Hear.
Me: Okay, okay...

*****

Josh: Mommy, someday can we go on a rocket?
Me: Umm... nope. There aren't any rockets for us to go on. Why do you want to go on a rocket?
Joshie: To get the balloon I lost. It's living on the moon.
Me: What balloon?
Joshie: The yellow one from the bug races. Hey maybe a space man will go up there and bring it back to me!
(It takes me a second to realize that he's talking about the balloon he got at Purdue's Springfest, nearly a year ago.)
Me: Umm...
Joshie: I know! I'll be a space man!
Me: Good idea.

*****

I'm walking around the house, putting groceries away.  I'm over by the boys' bedrooms.  Josh is eating lunch in the kitchen.
Josh (calling out to me): What are you carrying?
Me: These?  New underpants for Spencer.
Josh: No.  What is it?  Let me see!
Me (realizing where his thought process is going): These are NOT candy, Josh.  It's new underpants.  In a bag.
Josh (running over to me): What?!  It's candy!
Me: No!  It's underpants!
Josh (clearly disappointed): Oh.  It's underpants.  I don't want underpants, I want candy!
Me: Sorry.
Josh: Can I have some candy?
Me: Nope.  And these are Spencer's underpants.
Josh: Awwww maaaaaannnn...