Self-portrait Tuesday: Darth Mommy

I'll admit it: some days Darth Mommy makes more appearances than she should. She loses her patience, raises her voice, and generally is not very fun to be around. This creates a vicious cycle, because the more Darth Mommy is around, the more the boys act up.

Today was a Darth Mommy day.

Unlike most of Darth Vader's victims, the boys survived. And none of them committed patricide (at least successfully), so Darth Mommy survived, too.

But just barely.

Let's hope Darth Mommy can go away tomorrow and be replaced by the pleasant, ever-patient, and wise Obi-Wan-KeMommy.

*Side note: today's self-portrait was taken with the help of the ultra-cool Gorilla Pod Santa left in my stocking. Way to go, Santa!*

ER Junkie

Hi. My name is Maren, and I'm an ER junkie.

I love the stuff. I can't get off of it. I don't want to.

Every December, my dealer (Lance) gives me a new ER season on DVD for either my birthday or for Christmas. And for the week (or often less) after, not much is done around the house. Laundry? Vacuuming? Dusting? That all can wait. At least while I'm getting my fix.

I just finished season 9, which I got for Christmas this year. That's 22 episodes in 5 days. I know, I know... a little slow. I've done faster. But these dang kids keep buggin' me for silly things like playing with them and feeding them.

I'm a little sad, though. This season was one of the last really good, 'classic' ER seasons. After this everyone seems to end up in Africa and all these new cast members come in and then Carter leaves and it's just never been the same without him. Ever.

But will that stop me? No way. I'm gearing up for season 10, which won't be released until March 3rd. It would make a great St. Patrick's Day gift. *hint*hint*

Are there any shows that you're addicted to? I'd hate to think I'm alone in this...

Rocket Arm Madsen

Sometimes a momma just has to brag. Have you seen the arm on this kid?

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Let me remind you, he's only two. It's pretty impressive how hard, far, and (when he's paying attention) accurate he is.

Of course this talent is a double-edged sword. Josh loves nothing better than to throw - anything. Especially at walls. (Since he's finally learned that throwing things at people is a painfully bad idea.) Did you know that Matchbox cars can make a 1/2" dent in drywall when thrown from a distance of three feet? Well, they can. My walls have the battle scars to prove it.

Let's hope Dr. Destructo decides to use this super-power for good.

Joshie, can you say 'baseball scholarship'?

Food of the Month 2009

And the winner is...

BREADS!!

Thanks to everyone who voted. And a special thanks for not voting for pies. That would have been cruel and unusual punishment, although Lance would have been in heaven. (Me and pie crusts? Not friends. Never will be, I suspect. And I'm okay with that. I only put it on the poll for Lance's sake.)

I actually love making bread, so this will be especially fun for me. Rolls, muffins, loaves, flatbread, shortbread... the possibilities are endless! And yummy. No carb-free diets in this house, I can tell you that!

A Madsen Christmas: Smoke Alarms and Pig Jigs

Christmas came early for Lance and I. 2:30am early. In the form of a smoke detector beeping every 60 seconds because of a low battery. Baaaa!! Very annoying. Even better is that the alarm is at just about the tallest point on our vaulted ceiling, so it's not easily reached at all. Luckily, Lance thinks better than I do in the middle of the night, so he had the mind to go get a broom and use the handle to disable the battery. I love Lance, especially when he turns off smoke detectors in the middle of the night for me.

I worried for half a second about the chances of having a fire that night and being burned alive because our alarm was off. Then I worried about how hungry I was, because when I'm pregnant and really wake up in the middle of the night I get so hungry I could throw up. (If you've ever been pregnant, you'll understand that last statement.) But I was really tired and cozy and I didn't want to get up. But what I was truly worried about was waking up the boys with all this commotion.

Because 2:30am or not, if the boys woke up there'd be no way on earth we'd be able to go back to bed until after opening all the presents.

Anyways.

Everything was fine. The boys woke us up at a respectable 7:30am, excited about the toys and the gifts and the magic that accompanies Christmas morning when you're a child.

First we had to open the 'little presents' from Santa that were in our stockings. I like how bedraggled Lance looks. :)

Spencer played 'Santa's Helper' and gave everybody their gifts from under the tree. We had to repeatedly explain to him that the person with the most gifts does not 'win'. This is a very hard concept for a competitive five year old.

During this, Josh played with what is now already his beloved piggy. He loves that pig. He drug it everywhere with him today, hugging it and playing and singing with it.

He loved it so much he had to do a Pig Jig. Now look at that child dance and tell me that's not a physical representation of the magic of Christmas morning?

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Santa went a little crazy this year and gave Spencer a Nerf gun. He (Santa) must be suffering from pregnancy insanity. Spencer was in heaven.

Joshie couldn't be bothered to open his presents. He just wanted to play with whatever was already open. I should have just stuck all his gifts in one big box and let him open that. (Note to self for next two year old at Christmas...)

A definite favorite gift this year was the Star Wars loot from Grandpa ElRay and Grandma Susie. The Darth Vader voice changer is a hoot!

Even Vader Daddy got in on the action.

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Thank goodness they sent two light sabers. Because two Jedi Knights but only one light saber would definitely turn some people (most likely parents) to the dark side.

After gifts we sat down to a hearty Christmas morning breakfast: baked blueberry cream cheese french toast with homemade blueberry syrup. And by 'we' I mean Lance and I. Spencer and Josh wouldn't touch the stuff.

I put all that effort into a yummy breakfast, and those two goons wouldn't even taste it.

That's it. Next year everyone's getting Pop Tarts in their stockings.

Okay, so part of the problem was probably that the boys got into the candy in their stockings before breakfast. In fact, I don't know that Josh had one nutritious piece of food the entire day.

M&M's, peanut butter cups, candy canes, Lil' Smokies, Chex Mix? Yes. A piece of fruit? NO WAY.

The rest of the day was spent in true Madsen Christmas style: pure laziness.

It was great.

Spencer and Lance played Wii.

Josh and I watched ER (Season 9! Romano's arm is chopped off! Abby and Carter together!) on a laptop on my bed. Well, I watched; Josh played with his beloved Piggy.

Okay, it wasn't all laziness. I did finally get the wrapping paper and most of the toys cleaned up, much to the dismay of my sciatic nerve. But only because I didn't want to wake up to the mess tomorrow morning.

But other than that moment of temporary insanity/rationale, it was a great, lazy Christmas Day. Just like it should be.

A Madsen Christmas Eve

Our family has several traditions when it comes to Christmas Eve. The first is that I make a big, nice Christmas Eve dinner. (I don't believe in cooking on Christmas - I believe in being lazy!) So last night I made what I thought was a particularly yummy dinner: cranberry-apricot pork loin roast, spinach salad, Jell-o salad, and homemade rolls.

I might as well have served mud, as far as the boys were concerned. They wouldn't even eat the Jell-o, which I specifically made for them! They drank some soda and juice, took a few bites of roll (under duress), and then promptly left the table. (That's Joshie, pulling on my apron strings (ha!) and hiding behind the curtains.)

I suspect this refusal of dinner by the boys will probably also be a tradition for the next several years. Rotgut kids.

So it was time for our next tradition: talking about the birth of Christ and trying to make sure that the boys understand the true meaning of Christmas.

Me: So, who's birthday are we celebrating on Christmas?

Spencer: Jesus!

Joshie: Santa!

Well, we're still working on Josh. But who can blame the kid? Santa brings toys. What Jesus has done for us is a bit more abstract. (But check out this cute video of Josh's take on Santa:

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Then we sang the Christmas song we had been working on this month: Picture A Christmas. Oy. What a ham Spencer is. I like how he starts shouting at "And can you hear the angels near?" And what's up with Joshie? A little hyper about the whole evening, I'd say. But you can't claim to not be entertained!

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Then we all opened our Christmas jammies. It cracks me up that Spencer was still surprised that he got new pajamas, even though he was there when I bought all of them, I told him what they were for (he asked), and we get them every year. But he was happy about them, so who cares?

(Side note: my pajamas are not only loud this year, but also huge. I mean HUGE. The problem is, I'm cheap. Which means I'm not willing to spend $40-50 on maternity pajamas. But I am willing to spend $15 on pajamas from Wal-Mart's plus-sized section. Only problem was that they only had really big sizes left. No matter. I'll just make a blanket out of the material once I'm done with them. Or two.)

Then it was time for the annual picture of the children in front of the tree. And the annual "Hold still for just three seconds" being said ten times in a row. And the annual silly pictures of the children because they are just too excited to hold still.

I thought all hope would be lost for our next tradition: taking a self-timed family portrait. But the boys loved it and actually behaved! We even got a few good shots. (I don't know what that white dot on Lance's arm is. Perhaps the ghost of Christmas self-portraits?)

The boys especially loved making silly faces. We had to do a few more.

Then it was time to put out some cookies for Santa and write him a letter.


We had to move the plate of cookies away because Josh kept swiping them. That kid can really put cookies away. Or maybe he was just hungry because he didn't eat dinner. Something or other. I was also kind of afraid he'd start eating the magic reindeer food, which was also on the plate. (It was too wet to put it on the lawn.)

Joshie: won't eat pork loin roast, will eat raw oatmeal and red glitter.

Finally, it was time for bed. And of course there were tears. And strong words. And threats. And putting children back to bed. Again. Because it's not truly Christmas until someone cries.

And then Lance and I collapsed on the couch, not sure we'd be able to stay awake longer than the boys. But we had to and we did, because who else would put together toys and stuff stockings for Santa? And be angry about how hard it is to just take a toy out of a box? Or be surprised at the number of batteries needed for one small toy?

Because that's a tradition, too.

Dr. Destructo is a Genius

An insane genius, but still.

Do you remember my advent calendar? Well, on Sunday I remember looking at it in the afternoon and realizing that we were several days behind on our count. (I haven't been very consistent with it, mainly because the boys always fight about whose turn it is, and who wants to deal with that?)

Later that evening Lance and Spencer were playing Wii (which is in the living room) and I was on the couch reading. (Still workin' on the third book!) Joshie was being Joshie, playing with toys, dancing by himself, getting in the way of the TV...

After a while I heard him throwing a ball against the wall. The small wall that's inbetween our kitchen and living room. The wall with the advent calendar on it. I could tell it was a rubber ball and couldn't do much damage, so I ignored it. Then the thuds against the wall got harder and louder. I remember saying something along the lines of "Child, quit throwing that ball against the wall. Now." No, I didn't get up from the couch. I was lying down and quite comfy. (Parenting at it's finest, no?)

The ball hit the wall a few more times, I raised my voice and told him to knock it off, and he stopped.

Later, as we were putting the kids to bed I looked up at the advent calendar and noticed that FIVE kisses were missing.

Weird. Did Lance eat them? And why?

Then I looked down and saw a little nest of Hershey Kiss tinfoil wrappers and those little paper thingies.

Joshie hadn't been just throwing the ball against the wall. He had been using the ball to knock down the candy. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose the first time, but it probably only took one piece to fall for him to figure things out. My two year old had good enough aim to knock down five pieces of candy in less than three or four minutes! And not only that, he did it with both parents in the room!

Dr. Destructo... what am I going to do with you? And why won't you use your super powers for good instead of evil?

Self-Portrait Tuesday: Week 15

I have two friends with the same due date as I. One barely looks pregnant and the other you can't even tell.

Yes, I do think I'm having another moose-baby. Lucky me.

Afternoon Trip Q & A

Question: What do you get when your kids have been stuck in the house for several days (except for church, which obviously doesn't count in kid world), there's no preschool, and they were entertained by cousins for several hours yesterday but now their mean mom won't do the same thing?

Answer: Crazy-go-nuts behavior, that's what. Which means it's time for a little afternoon trip. We decided to check out the White River Gardens Holiday Trainland exhibit.

Q: What was the weather like today?

A: Cold. Oh, I mean COLD. Frickin' cold. How cold? Frickin'. But that's okay, because the gardens are inside.

Q: Is a portable DVD player and cd case full of movies really necessary for a 65 minute car ride?

A: Absolutely. Oh, and you obviously have never met my children. Or me.

Q: Is Spencer really as angelic as he looks in this picture?


A: Yes. No. Sometimes?

Q: Would Josh ever turn around from the trains to take a picture?

A: No.


Q: What happens when you tell your kids to put their arms around each other for a picture?

A: Inadvertent face and eye gouging.


Q: How do you stop a two year old from touching all of the train displays?

A: You put up a three foot long piece of Plexiglas in a very random spot. Because apparently that is the only spot a two year old will want to touch. (Seriously, it was. It was kinda weird.)


Q: What are you obligated to say every time a train goes by?

A:

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Q: What do you do when your children misbehave at the train display?

A: You send them out into the cold to teach them a lesson and show them who's boss! (Spencer loved the idea that it looked like he was outside. I couldn't get Josh to stop sitting in the fake snow.)


Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea and travels by train during the holidays, much to the delight of little boys everywhere?


A: Santa Spongebob Squarepants.

Q: What do you do when your trip to the train display only lasts 45 minutes, but it took you over an hour to get there?

A: You go next door to the zoo because you have a membership pass and it won't cost you anything.

Q: Exactly how many people visit the zoo when it's 12 degrees outside?

A: Seven, including us.

Q: Did you see any animals?

A: Only the ones in the oceans exhibit, because it's inside.

Q: Was the trip worth it?

A: The kids are no longer crazy-go-nuts. And it only cost me gas money, which is pretty cheap right now. So yes. Yes it was.

Ward Christmas Party Pictures

California Christmas

My family used to live in California, which made it well worth the money and time to go out there for Christmas. Fifty plus degrees on Christmas day? Sounds great!

But a couple of years ago they moved to Utah. And our family expanded. And it became increasingly difficult to get out there, not to mention expensive. (Way expensive.) Plus, why go to Utah? It's cold there, too.

But not as cold as here.

I just looked at the weather for tomorrow. The high will be 12 degrees.

Let me repeat that: the HIGH will be TWELVE degrees. That's Fahrenheit, people, not Celsius.

The high in Provo will be 30 degrees.

I never thought 30 would sound balmy, but now it does.

I'm totally California dreamin', on such a winter's day.

p.s. Why is it always the coldest on Sundays? On the day I have to wear a dress?!? I should get extra blessing bonus points for that, I'm just sayin'...

Cake of the Month - Spencer's Birthday

Okay, I know I solicited ideas last month for my very last cake of the month. But then I remembered that I had two birthday cakes to make for December. Plus I didn't feel all that hot and cake-makey-like. So there you go.

Spencer has become a very particular child. But only about some things. Clothing, bathing, brushing teeth - he becomes very vague. ("Did you brush your teeth?" "Ummm.... yeah. Maybe.") But ask him about his birthday cake and he tells you exactly what he wants.

Me: Spencer, what kind of birthday cake do you want?

Spencer: A robot cake. A lemon robot cake.

Me: You want the cake to look like a robot?

Spencer: No, I want the robot made of frosting. And blueberries.

Me: Wha...? A frosting robot. Oh, do you mean you want me to make a robot out of frosting and put it on the cake?

Spencer: No! I want the robot on the cake. With blueberries around it.

Me: Okaaayyy... do you want me to draw the robot, with frosting, on the cake?

Spencer: Yes.

Me: And you want me to outline it with blueberries.

Spencer: Yes.

Me: What color should the robot be?

Spencer: Gray.

Me: Um, I don't think I can make or eat gray frosting. How about blue to match the blueberries.

Spencer: Okay. And I don't want a round cake. I want a square cake.

Me: Roger that.

Spencer: My name is Spencer.

Me: Oh yeah.

So, there you go. He wanted me to draw a robot. With frosting. And outline it with blueberries. ME. Has the child ever seen me draw with frosting before? No. And there's a reason for that.

But, it was his fifth birthday, and I couldn't let him down. At least, not without trying my best. (My best to succeed, not to let him down. Oh, never mind.)

First things first. I had to make the cake. A lemon cake. I figured since it was just for our family I'd just use a mix.

The afternoon of Spencer's birthday came. I went to the cupboard. No lemon cake mix.

Dang. It.

So I improvised, adding some lemon juice and orange extract to a vanilla cake mix. It looked like lemon cake.

It baked beautifully - nice and even. Then I decided I should at least have a rough draft of a robot before I continued. This is what I came up with.

Ouch. Hey, I never claimed to be an artist. Especially in the robot genre.

The cake was cooled. It was time to get to work. First, I made some lemon buttercream frosting. I topped the cake with white. Then I traced a robot design with a toothpick.

Next I added blue food coloring to the rest of the frosting. (There was actually A LOT of frosting, so if you live nearby and need some blue-lemon frosting, I'm your source.)

It was the moment of truth. I got to work. This is what I accomplished.

Okay, not bad! I mean, I was pretty sure it would at least impress a five year old. Especially because the number 5 was on the robot. (Kids like that sort of thing, right?)

I didn't think it would look good with blueberries outlining the robot, so I did this on the sides.

Then I added the blueberries.

Behold! Exactly what Spencer asked for.

And he loved it. And he ate exactly one piece, relishing the robotness of it all.

************************************
Thus ends my cake of the month chronicles. Done. Sure, I'm not a master cake maker, but that wasn't really my goal. I just wanted to become better than I was, and I think I have. I even learned a few tricks along the way. (The magic of parchment paper, for one.)

It's time to decide what food I should tackle in 2009. Be sure to cast your vote on my poll on the left sidebar and let me know what you think!

Spencer: 5 going on 15

I was putting the boys to bed tonight. Being the mean and horrible mother that I am, I asked Spencer to please pick up his dirty clothes and to put them into the dirty clothes basket.

This is such a hardship and trial for him. Really, I don't know where I get the nerve.

Anyways.

He reluctantly put his clothes into the basket and then walked out of the closet, hands on hips.

Spencer (in a reproachful tone): Mommy. That clothes basket is getting toooo full.

Me: Hm. Maybe you should do some laundry tomorrow.

Spencer (looking thoroughly shocked and appalled): Me?! I can't do laundry!

Me: Why not?

Spencer: Because I'm not a big mommy.

Me: Wai... a what? Did you just call me a big mommy?

Spencer: Yes. Because you're 31 years old on your birthday.

Me: Oh.

Spencer: And your tummy is big.

Me: It's not that big yet.

Spencer: Yes it...

Me (cutting him off): Watch it.

****************
After the big momma incident, I had to explain that daddy wasn't here because he was at work. (He's actually at some IT Christmas party, but that was too much work to explain.) ((Does anyone else wonder if the conversation at IT Christmas parties is all computer-based jokes and puns? Oh, to be a fly on the wall...))

Spencer: Daddy's at work again?

Me: Yep.

Spencer: Daddy always works.

Me: Well, not always. I know he's been working more lately. But that's okay. We need Daddy to work so we can have our house and food.

Spencer: Daddy needs to play Wii with me.

Me: Maybe after work tomorrow.

Spencer: He has to work tomorrow, too?!

Then, part of Spencer's prayers included, "And please help me to love Daddy. Because he works but not play Wii."

It was hard not to laugh.

If it's any consolation, Lance, I love you even more because you're willing to work!

Busy Bee

Do you ever have days where you're just running from one thing to the next, barely able to keep up with all you have to do? Not that everything you have to do is unpleasant. It's just that you don't seem to have much time to even stop and have a moment.

I'm having a day like that. Three or four of them, actually.

Busy.

But hopefully things will calm down soon and I'll be back to the world of blogging, with all sorts of blog fodder for your entertainment.

Until then...

Spencer: Half a Decade of Life and Counting

Today was Spencer's 5th birthday. A whole half decade of life!

We started with taking cupcakes to preschool. Spencer was very specific about what he wanted: chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and topped with mini M&Ms.


Yes sir.

(Side note: while Spencer was at preschool, Josh and I visited the new and improved children's section of the downtown library. Very nice. Then we went to my doctor appointment - all is well and only one heartbeat heard. (Lance kept teasing that I had two in there. Jerk.) My ultrasound is now scheduled for January 12th. Mark that on your calendars: Madsen baby gender-finder-outer 1/12/09.)

Okay, back to Spencer.

We have decided to have friend birthday parties only on even-number birthdays, so this year we celebrated just as a family. And where does this family go for birthdays? Chuck E Cheese, of course!


When we got there we discovered that Chuck E Cheese is in the process of basically doubling their size. It looks super-exciting and enticing. Sadly, we were about a week too early and it wasn't open yet. Poor Josh could hardly hold himself back.


Happily, there were a TON of new games to keep the boys (and Daddy) occupied. This one was a favorite of the boys. (It's like a ride where you watch a movie and the chair moves according to what's going on. The boys were absolutely entranced.)


After a fulfilling evening with the Chuckster, we headed home for robot cake and presents. (Note: the cake will be blogged about some time this week.)


Here, for grandparent viewing pleasure, is video of our wonderful rendition of "Happy Birthday To You". (Note: I had to literally cover Josh's mouth when it was time to blow out the candles. Pesky toddler.)

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Spencer was really excited to open his presents. A new Wii game from Grandpa ElRay and Grandma Susie? SCORE!!! (Too bad our TV is broken until the parts come in on the 29th. Oh, the tragedy!)


Josh had to come help and check out the Hot Wheels "Laptop" from Grandpa Viggo and Grandma Joy.


Finally, the coup de tat. But first, a little back story.

For a while now I had thought we were going to get Spencer a bike for his birthday. He seemed interested and I thought it would be a really fun gift; something of a rite of passage. Then, about a month ago, Spencer started saying he wanted a robot. Random. I ignored it. Until last week. We were eating dinner and I brought up the fact that after dinner we were going to go to the store to pick out a bike.

Spencer got a worried look on his face. "No."

Me: Why not? I thought you wanted a bike.

Spencer: Maybe I can get a bike when I turn six.

Me: But, don't you want one for when you turn five?

Spencer (looking really worried): No. I... don't want it. I would fall off. It would be scary.

Me: But you could have training wheels! You wouldn't fall of, you would...

Spencer looks even more worried.

Me: Oh. Well, what would you like for your birthday?

Spencer: A robot.

So, I had to swallow my pride and put my visions of a bicycle birthday away. (It was hard to admit that I wanted the bike more than he did.) Last Saturday I made a special trip to Sam's Club and came home with this:

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This reaction? Probably better than any bike could bring. (At least this year.)


Happy birthday, Spencer. I love you!