More Primary Quotes

I think I'll have to make this a weekly feature: fun quotes I heard in Primary on Sunday. Seven and eight year olds crack me up! Here are my favorite from today:

• "How much longer is Primary?" "Ten minutes." "Oh man! In my world that's like 20 million hours!"
• "I don't know about church. I never seem to get any chocolate bars here."
• "What's something different about church every first Sunday of the month?" "Uhmmmm... Halloween!!"
• "I don't like music. It has no rhythm."
  
• (All said by me to two specific, wiggly little boys) Keep your hands to yourself. Keep your feet to yourself. Keep your legs to yourself. Keep your arms to yourself. NO TOUCHING!
  

Hello. My Name Is: The Poopsmith

Have you ever seen Homestar Runner? (Funny site if you have the same sense of humor I do - lots of funny cartoons and stuff. Check it out when you have some time.)

Anywho, on Homestar they have a character called the Poopsmith. Yeah, he is what it sounds like. And today I got to be the Poopsmith. Yes, another glamorous day of motherhood.

Scene: two little boys in the tub. I go in to get them out. Not really paying attention, I reach to pull out the plug. Millimeters before my hand goes in the water I see it... a piece of poop floating by! Urrrghhghh!

"Who pooped in the tub?!??!"

"Joshie."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Silence.

So I scoop them both up, throw them into my shower, scrub them down with antibacterial soap, rinse them off, and get them dressed.

I won't go into the gory details of the clean up. Let's just say I spent the better part of 30 minutes spraying anti-bacterial cleanser and wondering what in the world I had done to deserve such a scatological treat!

Silver lining: I had been wanting to get rid of most of the bath toys. (They were getting old and gross and Josh spent most of the time throwing them out of the tub.) Perfect excuse.

A Real Conversation I Just Had With Spencer

Spencer: Mommy, what are you watching?

Me: My Name Is Earl.

Spencer: No, mommy. What are you watching?

Me: My Name Is Earl.

Spencer (sounding a little annoyed): No, mommy! No you're not!

Me: Uh, yes. Yes I am.

Spencer: But Mommy! What are you watching?!

Me: My. Name. Is. Earl.

Spencer: No, that is not your name! Your name is Mommy! What are you watching?

Me: Go to bed, Costello.

Only 75 More Shopping Days!

I got my first real Christmas catalog in the mail today. (From Pottery Barn)

I have a real beef with all this "shopping for the holidays starts 6 months in advance" thing. I kid you not, at the beginning of September I was in JCPennys and they had Halloween and Christmas stuff already up. I must have said something pretty sarcastic about it, because every time we see Christmas stuff now Spencer says "Christmas stuff already?! Uuggghhh!"

So for the past few years I've made some rules for myself:

• No buying anything for Halloween in any month other than October. (Unless there's something really cool on clearance the week following!)
• No buying anything for Thanksgiving in any month other than November. (Which isn't hard, because I don't ever buy anything except food!)
• No buying any decorations or Christmas-themed items in any time before the day after Thanksgiving. (So buying gifts before is okay. But buying ornaments? No.)

So that's my little way of fightin' against the man. I'm sure you wanted to know.

I Need A Bath!

It's been one of those days. One of those loooonnnggg days. It's not been horrible; I've had worse. But I've certainly had better.
I won't go into the gory details. But I will tell you that it started at 3:30am with Spencer coming into our room and demanding that he have a bath. Right then. At 3:30 in the morning. After much sobbing, shushing, and a quick read of Dr. Seuss' ABCs, he finally went back to sleep. (That's Spencer's thing: he wakes up in the middle of the night once or twice a month and demands the most random things. I think he's really half asleep most of the time, but man, is he determined!)
Anywho, the good part of the day was that it has finally cooled down around here! After being 95 on Monday, 78 yesterday, it was only 58 today. So we broke out some new fall clothes. So cute! We also got out the new winter pajamas tonight. Spencer loves his Monkey Jammies and Josh's jammies say "If I'm Not Happy Nobody's Happy" - funny because it's true. Spencer insisted on having a few pictures taken, and I was happy to oblige because my kiddos are so cute to me! (And any grandparents that read the blog!)
So here's hoping that tomorrow is better and brings more interesting blog fodder.

Vacuum Chicken

I have had a torrid love affair with vacuuming all my life.

It was always my job growing up to vacuum the house every Saturday. Plus, my mom wouldn't let me vacuum around things like rugs or dining room chairs - I had to move them. Talk about torture! I hated it.

But then I got a job as a janitor at the BYU Marriott Center (where the Cougars play basketball). (Yes, I stripped... wax floors... my way through college! Haha! Just a little Marriott Center janitor joke. Stacey gets it.) I used to vacuum the coach's office and loooonnnggg hallways several times a week at 6am. And you know what? I actually liked it! (Probably because there were no rugs or chairs to move!) But I really didn't mind it, and I have fond memories of singing at the top of my lungs while vacuuming because no one could hear me.

And when we lived in our apartment in the ghetto part of Lafayette? Hated vacuuming again. Mainly because the carpet was a different color in every room and that REALLY bugged me. Plus there were stairs, and those are such a pain! But then we moved into our house and I loved to vacuum, even though I was very pregnant! I loved vacuuming because the house was ours and it just made me happy going through each room! Plus, no rugs or chairs except in the kitchen. (Scarred for life much, Maren?)

Okay, so why am I blabbing on and on about my inconsistent relationship with vacuuming? Because I hate vacuuming again. Why? The same reason I have to get up at least once a night to go to the bathroom - my kids. (No, really. They destroyed my bladder. But that's a blog for another time.)

It started with Spencer. A few months ago he started to run around, screaming like a soprano banshee, jumping over and around the vacuum. Tres annoying. Josh soon caught on and did the same, only crawling and getting even more in the way. (If possible.)

It has now escalated into a big game of vacuum chicken. Who can get the closest to the vacuum, touch it, and get away before mom runs you over? I think Josh used to be just a little afraid of the vacuum because he would get just barely close enough to tap the vacuum, scream a Joshie scream, and then crawl away as quickly as a 27 pound baby can crawl. But now he charges the vacuum head on, rears up on his knees, and then plops both hands on the vacuum. He puts his whole weight into it, knowing that I can no longer move the dang thing. Then he proceeds to fiddle with the light and knobs and such until I pick him up and cart him away.

Okay, it's probably partially my fault. I started running into them lightly with the vacuum because I thought it would scare them a little and get them to leave me alone. WRONG! They now think it's hysterical and get super excited when I drag the vacuum out. Spencer actually yells "Run me over, Mommy!"

It would be funny, except that it's so *@&$*~ annoying! It literally takes me twice as long to vacuum. And not vacuuming is not an option with two little boys.

Do your kids go crazy around the vacuum? Or is it just my two little darling odd balls?

Budget Decorating

I found this fabric in the $1 per yard table at Wal-Mart last week. It's kinda hard to see in the picture, but its black and kinda gauzy and perfect for Halloween. I promptly bought 15 yards, having no idea what I would use it for. Because that's how I roll. :)


On Saturday I used a few yards to make a tablecloth. (Basic orange cotton fabric underneath. Tres cool!) Then I had an epiphany today for how to use the rest. Voila!


That's Spencer modeling underneath it. (He's acting scary.) Cool, huh?


I thought of it while I was taking apart an old fall wreath. (I made the wreath the first year I was married. It was just a basic 12" grapevine wreath with a bunch of fake leaves and fall foliage. I guess it was cute, but just not my style anymore.) Anywho, three small nails and a hammer later, and there you have it.

But it was missing something. I mulled over it all afternoon. Right after Family Home Evening I remembered a bunch of Halloween lights I had never used before. (I inherited them a few years ago from my mom's Halloween stash.) Hah! And Lance thinks I'm crazy for keeping stuff like that around.

Take that, Martha! Let's see you do that for less than $10.