In a text a friend of mine asked if I laughed or cringed when I look at my scrapbooks. It struck a nerve because I had been having a ton of mixed feelings about posting these pages, but couldn't put my finger exactly on why. (This is why.)
I honestly both laugh and cringe. A lot. That's because my teenage self was so sure she was so very mature and put together and knew everything and was just great. But at the same time, my teenage self was riddled with insecurity and self-doubt and all of the other emotions that plague teenage girls. Ugh. No way I would EVER want to be a teenager again! Hey, I was a pretty mature and responsible teenager. But I was also pretty typically self-centered. I mean, I wasn't a jerk or a "mean girl" or anything. But if I could go back in time and change something, I would just be kinder, nicer to others, more charitable. That's what I cringe about - my self-centerdness. I was a good kid, but I wish I had been better. A better daughter, a better friend.
The fact that I'm having such a hard time explaining this just proves what an awkward time the teenage years are, right?
I guess it's all about "trying a little harder to be a little better", right? And I have been. I cringe a lot less at my college scrapbooks. And when I looks at my blogs, I cringe even less. Getting married and having kids has made me a MUCH better person. Mainly because marriage and kids has definitely highlighted my shortcomings and, at the same time, inspired me to improve. I'm still working on things, but I feel a lot better about myself. (Not really caring as much about what others think about me helps a lot, too. Oy, peer pressure.)
Okay, onto something far less serious: Photography class!
My senior year I got to take photography. As in with real cameras (not phones) and real film and a real dark room. My kids don't even know what film is.
I am ancient.
I had so so so much fun in this class. I had always been into taking pictures and had my own camera for most of high school. In fact, I was elected to be Slide Show Commissioner my junior and senior years. I was in charge of my committee taking pictures around school, at sporting events, and at school activities all year long. Then at the end of the year we'd put together a BIG slide show, set it to music, and show the entire school. As in a REAL slide show, none of this PowerPoint and computer stuff. Kids don't know how good and easy they have it these days.
I am ancient.
Anywho, I know I will never be a professional photographer. But I do like looking back on these and remembering how much fun I had in that class.
