So I was looking at Ginger’s blog about her National Certification (way to go, Ginger!), and I was thinking that maybe they (whoever “they” are) should have tests and stuff like that to be a mom. Not that this would stop all the crazies out there from having kids. But if you passed you would have a certificate to prove to your kids who's really in charge - especially once they stop believing the “Because I said so” reason everyone gives at some exasperated point after the child asks “Why?” for the 38th time. Here’s how I envision the exchange.
Child: “Why?” The child continues to do whatever it is they’re not supposed to be doing.
At which point you can whip out this bad boy:
(Thank you Microsoft PowerPoint Templates!)
Mom:“See? You have to listen to what I say. They gave me a certificate in Motherhood on the day you were born. Sorry, that’s just the way it is. Just another way The Man is keepin’ you down. I’m all about fightin’ the power (raise a fist in the air), but he’s got us cornered on this one. (Feign empathy for their plight with small shrug.) Now put the hammer and nails down, place your hands on your head, and slowly step away from the piano bench.”
Sweet.
7 comments:
I want one of those! Where do I sign up? I am pretty sure I have passed the test...or tests. Maybe you should start something on your blog, so whoever posts about a particularly triumphant/challenging parenting experience that they made it through, you can send them a certificate. Sounds cool!
Done - anyone had a hard parenting experience lately? Let me know and you'll get a custom-made certificate.:)
Looking back on the post, can you tell I've been dealing with a particularly willful/challenging three year old lately? I don't need a certificate so much as a vacation!
Maren, you are sooooo super silly. I giggled and giggled with each word I read. Great job and way to go for giving yourself the award!!!
Um, have you read my blog lately? It's full of hard parenting experiences. And, I even kind of did get "certified" to become a parent. I had to have a psychological evaluation and everything to be able to adopt. Good thing I don't want to adopt anymore because I don't think I would pass now!
Christy, you are so right! You totally deserve a Mom certificate. I'll get to work on it. :)
Good one Maren.
By the way, I would like to change up one of the quotes that was on my blog--- "If you end up laughing while kissing for a picture, you are not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
I'm just kidding. :)
I'm with Christy on the adoption "certificate." HELLO...the hoops we had to jump through for that process!! Not to mention all the "parent training" I am now receiving for Matthew. And after all that, there are still days where I just want to scream, "BECAUSE I FREAKING SAID SO OKAY!!! You're a great mom Maren. I love reading your "random" thoughts!!!
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