By The Numbers

Number of times I had to tell Josh to get dressed this morning: 4938

Number of bathrooms scrubbed from top to bottom: 3

Number of times Cole was sent to timeout for various infractions: 14 (not even kidding a little)

Number of smoke detectors Cole apparently tore out of the ceiling during a time out: 1

Number of Tess peeing accidents: 5

Number of Tess pooping accidents: 1

Number of times Cole asked to play with my phone (from which he is now banned): 39372

Number of times Cole picked up all of the UNO cards: 3

Number of times I picked up all of the UNO cards: 1

Number of times Cole will be playing UNO in the next week: 0

Number of items I caught Cole trying to throw down the stairs: 4

Number of items I heard him throw down the stairs: 2

Number of time I wanted to throw Cole down the stairs: 3

Number of times I silently prayed for help/patience: 38+ (probably not enough)

Number of Cherry Coke Zeros I drank in order to cope: 2

Number of times I cursed the freaking Polar Vortex for making it too cold to play outside: 392

Number of times Tess fell backwards off of the bathroom counter: 1

Number of times I felt like the world's worst mother: 1

Number of Blue and Gold banquets we have now attended: 3

Number of Blue and Gold banquets we have to still attend: 6

Number of tutu-ed toddlers who felt they needed to go up front and speak since their big brother got to: 1
("My turn!  MY TURN!")

Number of times I had to tell Josh to get changed and ready for bed: 283

Number of seconds it took for this kid to fall asleep: 46

Number of times I've wondered what I did with all my time before I had Cole and Tess: too many to count