Top Secret Kid Meeting

Every morning a different child is "the problem child".  The one who causes my morning to be a bit more stressful and frustrating than needed.  The one who feels the need to press my buttons juuussst a enough to make me growl. The one who takes my attention hostage because otherwise the entire morning is derailed.

And I swear they take turns deciding who is going to be the obnoxious one the next morning.  I picture them huddled in the storage room, hurriedly whispering their plans for the next day.

Spencer: Cole, that tantrum you threw this morning was brilliant.

Cole: Thanks, I've really been working on my back arching technique.  Was the screaming a bit over the top?

Josh: No man, no.  It was perfect.

Spencer: Okay, Tess, are you ready for tomorrow?

Tess: All set. I'm going to rub my oatmeal in my hair.  Then I'll throw anything within reach just as soon as mom leaves the table to help Josh get the temperature for his bath just right.  When she comes back and is getting a towel to clean me up I'll pull the tablecloth - and anything still on it - clean off of the table!

Spencer: Hmmm... It's a bit juvenile, but it'll have to do.

Tess: Dude, get off my back.  I'm freakin' seven years younger than you!  Of course it's juvenile.

Spencer: Yeah, but I thought girls were supposed to be more mature than boys.

Tess: Shut your pie hole, Spencer.

Spencer: Alrighty then.  Josh - you've got Tuesday morning.

Josh: Right.  I'm gonna get up extra-early and interrupt her scripture reading time.  I'll harass her every 38 seconds for breakfast until she gives up her only alone time and starts getting things ready.  I've calculated how much milk will be left by then and I'm 98% sure she'll ask me to go downstairs to get another gallon. I'll hem and haw and make a really big deal out of it.  The theatrics alone will take a good five minutes.  Then I'll whine and cry and plead helplessness for everything else I have to do before school.

Spencer: You, sir, are a true artist.

Josh: *tips his imaginary hat*

Spencer: Okay, that leads us to Wednesday.  Just so we don't shake things up too much, I'll do my usual routine: wake up super grouchy, take 30 minutes just to get dressed, whine and shout about the chores I have to do, and then have a hissy fit when I can't tie my shoes just right.

Cole: I love it when you do that.  I can't wait until I have shoes that tie.

Spencer: All too soon, Cole, all too soon.  Okay, let's plan on meeting again Wednesday night.  Until then, good luck and God speed.

Everyone puts their hands into a circle.

All Four Kids: Break mom's sanity!