Overnight Shoes

This was a banner morning for the Madsens.

It started with me waking up with swollen eyelids again. Wait, did you know that was a thing now? Well, it is. Last week I woke up with hugely swollen eyelids that itched and hurt and ALLERGIES ARE THE WORST.

Anywho, they weren't that bad this morning, but I could tell they were on their way, so I rubbed some hydrocortisone on them and then went to put in some allergy eye drops. Only, in my non-glasses-wearing state I grabbed the wrong bottle and accidentally put in a drop of ear wax removal stuff.

Nothing like a little peroxide in your eye to wake you up in the morning.

Five minutes of a saline flush and my eye was not trying to jump out of my skull.

Things were fine getting Spencer out the door. But then the others woke up. (We have two morning shifts in getting kids out the door. It is not fun.)

Cole decided to FREAK OUT about having to sort laundry this morning. You know, only a job he's been doing twice a week for at least 3 years. But today he just couldn't do it. He yelled and hollered and screamed and carried on until I simply told him that if he couldn't sort his laundry, then it wouldn't be washed and he'd be stinky and the kids at school would smell him. Also, no computer.

Suddenly he remembered how to do laundry.

Miracles still happen, people.

Then it was Josh's turn. He frantically searched the house for his shoes. This is not uncommon at all, as the boy is apparently physically incapable of putting his shoes away. I don't think I've ever seen him do it without a reminder or of his own accord. I'm serious.

So he's searching and complaining and I'm ignoring him because the dang shoes always turn up. (Sometimes I find them, and I then I get to take $1 out of his allowance. I have earned at least $10 from this child this summer.) Then he comes up to me, sad and ashamed.

"I think I left them outside."

We both look out the window.

Sure enough, there are his shoes, out by the neighbor's trampoline.

Ordinarily this would not be a problem. But it rained last night. Poured. In fact, I'm pretty surprised they didn't blow away.

So I go out to get his shoes and am surprised at how dry they are. I mean, they're wet, but not soaked. Probably because they're so lightweight and have that fancy moisture-wicking fabric.

I tell Josh he's just gonna have to find some other shoes. He wants to wear the wet ones - he has gym today and HAS to wear tennis shoes. I tell him he can't wear them because they'll stretch out and get ruined and I'm not buying him new shoes, these are only 2 weeks old. He looks really sad.

Then he blames me for this situation. Because, you know, I totally MADE him leave his shoes outside last night. I'm always doing that. And he NEVER leaves his shoes where they're not supposed to be. How could I even suggest the thing? And, according to Josh, "You should have reminded me!"

At this point I about walked out the door, never to return.

But then I remember there is such a thing as a dryer. And we have one. So I toss them in, with the warning that they may not be dry in time.

They get dry in time.

Only the child doesn't put them on when I give them to him. He only rushes to put them on mere minutes before the bus arrives, despite the fact that I had warned him the shoes would probably be a little tight and the laces might be a little weird. Which they are. Which is my fault. Of course.

Fortunately, the bus arrived to save the boy from a grisly fate.

And now I'm home alone, with no one to blame me for anything.

Time to go hide favorite toys and shirts, drop toothbrushes on the floor, and mess up the kids' computers. Because if I'm gonna be blamed for something, it might as well actually be my fault!