So, today's been a hard day and it's only 12:50pm.
It started with Cole not wanting to go to preschool. Again. He's been going for several weeks now, and while I knew we would have a tough time of it, I always figured it would get better.
It hasn't.
Every time I've dropped him off and he's cried and cried. For one week he only cried for a few minutes after I left, but over the past 3-4 times he's cried louder and longer each time.
Today was no different. He cried and thrashed and caused general mayhem as I dropped him off. (Thankfully, if there is something to be thankful for, he's not the only child going through this.) As I was walking out the door I overheard two moms talking. One of them said "I'm so glad I don't have to go through that each time. I just don't have the patience. I'm so lucky my kids have been so good!"
She was totally talking about Cole's crying.
I totally wanted to turn around and smack her.
I was tempted to turn around and sweetly mention that my other children have been as perfect as hers, just to let he know that I heard. But I didn't.
Seriously, I did not need to hear that from some complete stranger. I generally ascribe to the Anne Frank philosophy that, in spite of everything people people are really good at heart. I would like to believe that that mom was talking about something or someone else, or didn't realize how she sounded. But I don't.
So I left preschool pretty downhearted. I went shopping with Tess, where I found a bunch of little girl summer clothes on clearance for $1 each. SCORE! And then I found a cute and cheap top for me! Score again!
And then I got a call from the preschool.
Dang.
Apparently Cole cried for OVER AN HOUR this morning. Seriously?!
I went and had a good conversation with the Preschool Director. Let me just start by saying that she is most awesome and was so kind and nice about everything that was going on. She also let me know that she had four kids, and her third was a boy just like Cole.
We decided that Cole is just still a little too immature for the 3-4 class. He's very bright, and he loves playing with the other kids. But when it comes to anything structured, like having to sit in his chair or on the mat, he kinda freaks out. He definitely has issues with authority, which goes back to his immaturity.
So she suggested that we take Cole out of the 3-4 class and put him in Mom's Time Out twice a week. MTO is kind of like pre-pre-school; lots of playing, not much structure. It's not that they don't want him in the 3-4 class anymore - in fact, she said several times that we could leave him in there if we wanted to. She just didn't want him to hate school at such an early age! (All of which I completely agree with.) We could put him in there for a while and see how he does: he could stay in there the rest of the year, or, if we think he's ready, he could go back into the 3-4 class in a few months. Or, if I felt it the best, we could take him out altogether and try again next year.
At first I was really leaning towards the MTO option. It makes a lot of sense, and I'm so grateful that they're willing to work with us on this. But now I'm wondering if I should just take him out of preschool until next year. I know that some people will think that this is just caving in to his bad behavior. But I really don't think that would be the case; I think he's still just a little too young to really make that connection.
I had been having lots of second thoughts about putting Cole in preschool towards the end of summer, especially considering all of his potty training issues (AUUGGHG!! POTTY TRAINING!!), but the preschool was so accommodating about it all that I decided to put him in. Now I'm wishing I hadn't.
I know, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't that big of deal. But it feels like a big deal to me right now, and I just wish I knew what to do. Have you ever gone through something like this? Any thoughts?
4 comments:
Kids are tough!! I am having serious sleeping issues with Levi that I never had with my other kids, and took him to storytime at the library today for the first time, and that didn't go too well either. I never put my kids in pre-school until they were 4. With Logan, i really didn't think he was ready that soon. With Avery, I think she would have loved it at 3, but I was cheap and didn't want to spend the money. I know for your sanity it's nice to have most of your kids at school for a while at least during the day, but I don't think it's a big deal if he doesn't do preschool yet. Good luck with your decision! It will work out!
I wish I had advice but I'm never sure if I have the right perspective ... but for what it's worth ... I generally have tried to go with E's lead when we can. With swim lessons, I didn't force her to go in when she was crying but sat for 20 minutes while she decided she wanted to do it. I have of course dropped both of them off at MDO while screaming and reaching for me, but I've stood in the hallway for a few minutes and heard them calm down. You know him best. I doubt it's Cole trying to bend you to his will -- he just might really not want to be there right now. And that seems ok. Don't think you're at all "giving in."
One thing I've noticed with my three-year-old son is that he is REALLY not into structure right now. He's okay if we have a day or two of running errands or visiting teaching, but mostly he just wants to be at home playing trains and reading stories. Yesterday he went to his weekly playdate at a friend's house, told me had a great time, and then calmly said, "but tomorrow I'm ready for a day where we just play puzzles all morning."
Anyway, I don't have any great advice because I don't know Cole very well, but with my little guy I've just noticed that he is much more let's-hang-out-at-home than some of my other kids who REALLY wanted to be doing lots of structured, scheduled, different-every-day things.
Hi Maren! I think you did the right thing. Preschool really isn't necessary, but is such a fun thing if the kids enjoy it. When Eldon was little, he would cry terribly when we dropped him off at nursery. One of the workers would hold him while he cried so hard for an hour that he would eventually fall asleep in the corner. After three tries, I thought, this is ridiculous. I felt so much pressure to leave him, but he obviously wasn't ready so I decided that I would attend nursery with him and did so for the next year and a half or so. He was closer to 4 when he got to be a Sunbeam and by then he was just fine to go off by himself. He has never once asked me to come with him after that. My theory is most things are stages and eventually the kids grow out of them, usually at their own pace.
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