I have said all of these to my children. For reals.
"I have neither the time nor the inclination to argue over the social mores of gender color preference. Now get dressed, Cole!"
"No. Piggies DO NOT use Mommy's potty. They use the pretend piggy potty over there on my bed."
"Well, this baby dinosaur has to have her hair combed."
"Alright, I won't sweep you up. This time."
"Hitting your brother in the face with a ball is ALWAYS a foul."
"Despite what you think, I have little to no control over the United States Postal Service, Joshua!"
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I should have bought jackets that fit OVER your backpacks. How inconsiderate of me."
"Inconsiderate means you don't think about other people's feelings. Kinda rude. It's ironic you don't know this."
"Nope. I don't know what ironic means."
"Severus Snape was misunderstood. And kind of a jerk."
"The temperature of the water doesn't affect how it puts out a fire. Hot or cold, it does the same job. How do I know? Because I just do. Because I just do."
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