Zappo

I was about ready to hand in my Mom resignation papers today. Yes, it was that kind of day. And here's why.

*In a dressing room at Target. I'm trying on a few cute t-shirts.*
Spencer: Uh oh Mommy. You've got to change my diaper.
Me (muffled under a shirt): Hhmm?
Spencer: You need to change my diaper.
Me: Spencer, you're not wearing a diaper.
Spencer: Oh.
Me: Spencer, did you poop in your pants?
Spencer (sounding a bit like he's trying to cover it up): Um, no.
Me: Then why do I need to change you?
Spencer: No.
Me: Spencer, did you poop in your pants?
Spencer: I don't know.
Me: Did you poop in your pants?
Spencer: No.
Me: Are you sure?
Spencer (Sounding genuinely confused): Yes. No.
Me: Did you poop in your pants?
Spencer: Um, yes. Can I have a cookie?
Me: Zappo.
(I have taken to saying 'zappo' when I don't know what else to say. It fit perfectly as an ending to this strange conversation. What child has the audacity to ask for a cookie after admitting to pooping in his pants?!)

Since he didn't really smell and wasn't leaking anything, I decided to finish my shopping before I changed him. Besides, I figured it would help drive home the point that pooping in your pants at the store is not the best idea. He could still walk around, although you could tell he was a bit uncomfortable.

So we finished, paid for our things (including two cute shirts), and I schlepped three full shopping bags, my purse, Josh, and Spencer into the women's bathroom. Luckily the handicapped stall was open. Even luckier, the bathroom was actually pretty clean (it was early in the morning), so I only cringed a little when I realized that I would have to put Josh on the floor.

I ended up just throwing away Spencer's underpants - they were pretty gross and I wasn't about to carry them around with me for the rest of my errands. He wasn't too pleased about that or about having to go commando, but too bad for him! His bottom was gross, but as luck would have it I had just bought a bunch of baby wipes with some random coupons I got in the mail.

Up until then, Josh had been a very well-behaved giant baby. But while I was cleaning Spencer Josh decided to act like a normal giant baby by pulling out of the bags every single item that I had just bought and throwing them on the floor. I was so engrossed in cleaning Spencer and asking him why he didn't say he needed to go potty that I didn't notice Josh's activities until I saw him pull out the last item - one of my new shirts - put it in his mouth for a little taste, and then toss it onto the public bathroom floor. Gross.

So I quickly washed my hands and started repacking the bags. Of course this was quite boring for Spencer, who decided this was a good time to flush the potty - repeatedly. This is always fun for Spencer for two reasons: 1) it's always fun to flush the potty!, and 2) Josh is deathly afraid of loud industrial toilet flushes. So Josh started freaking out, Spencer started laughing uncontrollably and flushing the potty more, and I crawled around on the bathroom floor, looking for the new earrings that Josh had flung into the far corner of the bathroom.

It was at this point that I realized why many people stop at two kids. What would I have done at that point with a third child? More to the point, what would that third child have done to add to the joy of the moment? Oooh, I just shivered a little.

So what does that have to do with the picture above? Nothing, I just like the picture.

Zappo.