Yes Josh, I will hold your labor against you for the rest of my life. It was that traumatic.
Josh is a connoisseur of what I call garbage food - fat and sugar laden anything. The child loves junk food. So we started the day with the breakfast of champions: oatmeal with a side of chocolate fudge Pop Tarts. The kids were most excited, and even managed to eat most of their oatmeal after scarfing the Pop Tarts. Over breakfast I had a conversation with Josh that went a little something like this:
Me: Josh, when you were inside of me you didn't want to come out.
Josh: Why?
Me: I don't know. You just really didn't want to come even though I tried and tried to get you out.
Josh: Maybe I was too warm. I do that now. I don't want to get out of bed because it's so warm and comfy.
Me: Haha! You're right!
Josh: Did I see Cole and Tess in there?
Me: Um, no. You were the only baby inside me at the time.
You can't beat the kid's logic. He knew Spencer wasn't in there because he's older than Josh and had obviously already been kicked out of me. But it seems perfectly plausible for him to see Cole and Tess because they came out later. The whole idea tickled me.
After breakfast it was off to preschool, where Josh was Helper Of The Day and got to wear a birthday crown. He was most pleased. On the way to preschool we had a little conversation along these lines:
Me: Josh, when you were born you were soooo big!
Josh: No, I was a baby.
Me: Yes, but you were the biggest baby in the whole hospital!
Josh: I was? Was I bigger than Cole?
Me: Bigger than Cole when he was a baby. But not as big as he is now. You were so big that they had to get a special diaper for you. You were so big you looked like you wanted to eat the other babies at the hospital!
Josh: Hahaha! I didn't want to eat them! I wanted to eat mommy milk.
Me: Ain't that the truth.
Josh: What?
Me: Nothing. Yes, you wanted to eat mommy milk. All of the time. You were always hungry.
Josh: And I cried a lot. Because I didn't want to come out.
Me: Yes, you cried a lot. For months and months, in fact.
Josh latched on to this idea of being a big baby. He brought it up off and on all day. He's quite pleased with the idea that he was the biggest baby mommy ever had.
A few weeks ago Josh decided he wanted a Super Mario Galaxy cake. This terrified me to no end because we all know that birthday cakes are turning into my mortal enemies. The thought of having to make a cake that somehow resembled Mario was a bit more than I could handle. Then my good friend Gigi solved all of my problems and told me just to find some action figures and stick those on the cake. Gigi! You're a genius! So I found some cheap figurines online and that's exactly what I did.
You have to admit that the decorating is pure awesomeness. Those figures are cute and a birthday present as well, and idea that Joshie loved. (A present on the cake. Ha!) What's not awesome is the cake itself. I decided just to use a mix, not even doctor it up. I followed the directions precisely. I checked the oven temperature with my oven thermometer - perfect. I pulled the cake out a full five minutes earlier than I was supposed to. Dry as toast. Gosh dang it!!! What's a momma to do?!?! Not bake cakes anymore, that's what.
Also, I decided to try this frosting because I had heard such raves about it. I had two problems: 1. I cooked the milk and flour mixture to the exact specifications of the recipe. Then I let it cool, just like the recipe said. It got all lumpy, as can be seen if you look at the frosting close enough. I couldn't beat the lumps out. 2. The recipe said to beat the sugar and the butter until the sugar wasn't grainy anymore. My KitchenAid beat and beat and beat that sugar and butter for a good 15 minutes. Still grainy.
!%(@#^@*~~!!!
So the frosting is a bit grainy and sometimes feels like you're eating a bit of tapioca pudding. Oh well. I liked the flavor.
Stupid cakes. I used to be good at making them, I promise. I'm pretty sure this is all my kids' fault. Punks.
Anywho, since it's an odd-year birthday we only had a family party. Josh's venue of choice was good ol' Chuck-E-Cheese, which we haven't been to in quite a while. Cole was in heaven, since this is the first time he's old enough to really understand that this place is fun.
We played and played. Tess watched and watched. And then Chuck-E himself came out and threw a bunch of tickets for the boys to pick up. All of them single. All 196 of them (I'm not making that number up) needing to be put, one by one, into the ticket counting machine by yours truly. Thanks, Chuck-E.
This is the reaction I got when I said "Hey, how about a picture of the birthday boy?"
And this is the reaction I got when I tried to sneak a picture. Punk kid.
Finally, all of our tokens were spent and all of our tickets redeemed, and it was time to go. Well, not before Josh fell on the floor, sobbing, when he realized he didn't have enough tickets to buy some cotton candy and the lady at the counter was nice enough to give him one for free. And then Cole had to have a tantrum, and practically had to be dragged out the door. (He screamed "Stay! STAY!!" most of the way home.) And Tess decided she had had enough and let it be known to all.
That's how you know the kids had had a blast.
That should be our Madsen Family Motto: It's not a party until somebody cries!
Poor Lance had to go back into work tonight, so we had to go pretty quickly through blowing out candles and opening presents.
By five years old most kids are pros at opening gifts. Look! A Buzz Lightyear blaster! Just what Joshie needed to annoy his brothers!
He also got an awesome rocket launcher from Grandpa ElRay and Grandma Susie. Of course he wouldn't pose with it.
But he would pose with the funny card they sent. (Now Josh looks like a monkey - and he smells like one, too!)
Things quickly escalated from here. Spencer kept trying to open gifts. Josh kept freaking out. Spencer broke Josh's yo-yo about five minutes after it had been opened. Josh fell apart. We shoved cake into their faces in the vain hope that this would calm things down.
The birthday boy fell into this sort of attitude (even after all the fun things we had done for him!):
Oh Josh. This day pretty much sums up who you are. You can be so cute and charming when you want to be. But cross your path in the least way and pay the consequences!
Let's hope we can survive another five years together. Mommy loves you... even if she keeps looking at you!
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