Stubborn Josh

Josh has been stubborn since the day he was born.

He's gotten a bit better about it as he's gotten older.  When he was little he would really freak out and be stubborn about every little thing, especially if he wasn't getting his way.  (For example...)

Yesterday was the first day of swimming lessons.  Spencer and Josh both took lessons at the local high school last year and they were very much looking forward to doing it again.  We got to the pool, had them shower, and then met their teachers.

This is the point where Joshie decided to pull a RAS.  (Random Act of Stubbornness.)  (Yes, I came up with that all by myself.  Why do you ask?)  He took one look at that pool, one look at his teacher, one look at me, and flatly refused to do anything.

He knew I couldn't do much about it because Cole was being AWFUL and I had to hold on to his arm with a death grip so he wouldn't go jumping into the pool, all while holding a squirmy-wormy and rather heavy Tess in the other arm.  The boy knows weakness when he sees it.  He knew his teacher wouldn't be too rough with him about it because they just met. (To her credit and Josh's surprise, though, she offered to pick him up while he was kicking and screaming.) 

I asked him what was wrong.  Was he scared?  Was he sad?  Why wouldn't he go into the pool?  He answered "no" to everything and gave me a look that said all I needed to know: he knew no one could force him into that pool and he was going to take full advantage of this opportunity to flex his stubborn muscles. 

He sat by the pool, watching his class, for the entire 30 minutes, a gloating smile on his face whenever our eyes met.

What Josh didn't know was that I used those 30 minutes to come up with a plan that would for sure get him into that pool by the very next day.

This ain't my first rodeo, kid.

Josh is the most bribe-able child in the world.  I could get him to pretty much do anything in the world if I offered him a candy bar.  But there are situations where I don't feel like he should be bribed/rewarded, such as doing chores around the house or behaving at church.  I expect him to do these things, no strings attached.  Swimming lessons is one of those situations - I expect him to participate!  (Plus, if I bribed him for one day I'd have to bribe him for the full two weeks.)  So I knew that my plan had to involve negative consequences for not getting into the pool - and lots of them.  But it had to be the perfect combination in order to be effective.

By the time swimming lessons was over and everyone was in the car, I knew exactly what to say.

Me: Josh, I've very disappointed that you didn't participate in swimming lessons today.  You loved them so much last year - what happened?

Josh: *scowl*

Me: Well, I know that I can't force you into that pool.  I won't ever force you to get in and have swimming lessons.

Josh: *smirk of triumph*

Me: But even if you decide not to do swimming lessons you will be in your swimming suit, showered, and sitting on the side of the pool, watching your class, every single day.

Josh: *slightly smaller smirk of triumph*

Me: Plus, there are several consequences to not participating in swimming lessons.  First, if you don't do swimming lessons, you will owe me the $35 I paid for the lessons.  That will come out of your allowance account.  Right now you only have around $17, which means you will owe me money.  For a long time.  That also means you won't have any money to spend on our big trip to Utah this summer.  Spencer will have money to buy things, but you won't because you will still owe me money.

Josh: *slight look of alarm*

Me: Second, each day you don't go in the pool, you will not be allowed to play Wii or computer.  This also means not watching Spencer or Cole or Daddy play. And since you didn't go into the pool today, that means no Wii or computer this afternoon.

Josh: *horrified look of disbelief*

Me: Finally, if you choose not to do swimming lessons, then you will not be allowed to play in the big kid pool at our neighborhood pool.  You will have to stay in the baby pool with Cole and Tess and me.  That's because if you're not willing to learn how to swim, I can't trust you to be in the big kid pool.  Your friend Kent is coming swimming with us tomorrow, so you think about whether or not you want to do swimming lessons.

Josh: *howls of protest and indignation!!!!*

The child was the first in his class to get into the pool today.

Parenting win?  I think so.

*satisfied mothering smirk*