For a while we had known that Lance's mom was going to pass away. But she kept seeming to rally, so when we received a phone call during the Saturday morning session of conference, we were still a bit surprised. Losing someone you love is hard, even if you do know it's coming.
Lance's dad decided to have a graveside service soon after her death and then have a memorial service 2 weeks later. We chose to attend the memorial service. We also chose to bring all of our kids, because we felt it would be good for them and this was something we needed to do as a family.
We flew into Salt Lake late Thursday (the 16th). The kids did a great job on the plane - Tess and Cole were so excited! But it was close to 1am Indiana time when we finally pulled into my Grandma Roper's house. (We got to stay with Grandma because Dad & Susie are apparently running a youth hostel right now, with three young adults living in their basement. No room at the inn!)
Friday morning we enjoyed a lovely waffle breakfast with Grandma Roper and Grandma Susie. Then we headed over to Highland to be with Viggo and Katrina. That morning Viggo, Lance, and Katrina took care of a bunch of financial stuff at the bank while I stayed at home with the kiddos. At one point we walked down to the cemetery where grandma Joy was buried but couldn't find her at all! (Turns out that her temporary marker had blown away in a wind storm.) The kids eventually got bored to the point of fighting, so I broke down and took them to a McDonald's with a playplace, where they played and ate for close to 2 hours. Score! (It was a super-nice McDonald's...)
I had volunteered to be in charge of dinner Friday night and Lance had decided we should order from Panda Express. (I was not willing to cook for all those people in a strange kitchen, but also felt like pizza just wasn't enough.) It turned out great; just the perfect thing! Lance mentioned that it was extra special because his mom would have never agreed to Panda Express. ;) We ate and visited with Uncle Bob & Aunt Joan, Uncle Mike & Aunt Terri, Katrina & Larry & Trevor & Amanda, Viggo, and Dane & Jeneca. It was great to be able to see so much family who we rarely get to spend time with. Joy would have loved it - she was always trying to get the family together.
The memorial was Saturday afternoon. It was held at a local chapel and was done just so well. Katrina had gathered together a lot of Joy's things from her life and lots of pictures and put them on nicely decorated tables all around the cultural hall. There were a ton of chairs set up and almost all of them were full! I was a little worried about how the kids would behave, but they did GREAT. (Miracles, people!) There were ribbons tied to the front rows to save them for family and Tess played with those for almost the entire 90 minutes. Spencer and Josh just sat and behaved, and Cole just needed a little gentle reminding every few minutes. Okay, full disclosure, the last 10 minutes were rough. Spencer and Cole started fighting and Tess had had enough. But still, on the whole not so bad.
The whole memorial was just lovely. Joy's brother Ed gave the eulogy, and I swear I learned more about Joy in those 20 minutes than I did in the 15 years I had been her daughter-in-law! Lance and Katrina did a really nice thing where they would each take turns and start with "Because of my mother..." and then talk about something their mother had taught them or done. It was funny and sweet and just perfect; a really lovely tribute. Joy's nephew, Scott, then showed a video he had put together with pictures of Joy; it was really well done and included 3 of Joy's favorite songs. (Which, of course, I cannot remember right now.) President Gibson (recently released counselor from the Genereal YM's presidency then spoke. He had been Viggo's mission companion and a good friend of the family for years and years. It was a really great talk. Viggo talked about Joy's life, how they had met and about their marriage. I was so very impressed with how well he held it together! It was tender and you could just tell how much he loved her. So very, very much! The bishop concluded the meeting.
Really, the whole memorial was just lovely and peaceful. Of course we're sad about Joy's passing, but it was a great way to remember what a wonderful person she was and to reflect on the gift of the atonement.
The ward provided a meal for the family afterwards, which was just great. It was nice to sit with my dad and Susie and Grandma, who had all come to show their support. (Susie actually played the piano and Dad was the chorister. Grandma helped keep Tess entertained during the memorial!) One of Lance's 2nd cousins took lots of pictures with promises of sending them out, but I've only gotten a few. Here's the best of my family.
Classic Tess. And bored Josh. That's a picture of Joy in the background. She sure loved her grandchildren!
After the memorial we went back to the cemetery and finally found Joy. It's a lovely cemetery and very close to Viggo's house. While there I could tell that everyone felt better. It was as if a weight had been lifted; Lance was certainly more his normal self. I think the memorial was really good for everyone and helped bring some comfort and closure.
That evening we toured Dane & Jeneca's new town home and then went out to dinner to Zupa's. (A new favorite place for me!) The kids sat at their own table, but it was so loud it was hard to really have a good conversation at the adult table!
You already know about Tess's birthday party on Sunday. What you don't know is that church that morning (in Viggo's ward) was hard because Cole was a PUNK and had to be taken out even BEFORE the meeting started. But we all survived.
On Monday morning we packed our bags and said good-bye to Grandma. She had been so kind and accommodating to let all six of us invade her home. We then headed down to the newly-renovated Bean Life Science Museum at BYU, which was just beautiful! Really, a million times better than it was when I went to school there! (Do I sound old or what?) Kevin and Dad were there to help corral the children. It would have been great, but Tess what tired and crabby and Cole was a JERK. True story: we were going up some stairs and some ladies were going down the wrong way and Cole literally yelled "HEY, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!" and I just wanted to melt into the floor and hide, because whose kid is that?!??! Mine would never act that way!!!!
Turns out Cole has started a new uber-grouch phase because he's been that way ever since, to the point of losing computer privileges and spending lots and lots of quality time reflecting on his choices while in time out. Harrumph.
After the museum Dad & Susie took us out for lunch at Noodles & Company, where my kids each snarfed down a bowl of macaroni and cheese; they sure love that stuff. Then it was off to the airport and our flight home, which went well, all things considered. (Those things being four exhausted children.)
It was a short but long trip, you know what I mean? We were tired both physically and emotionally for most of it. But it was also a great trip and a wonderful experience. I feel so blessed that we were able to be there with Lance's family and celebrate his mother's life in that way.
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